so u ask wat have i heard so far? well..... ive heard the voices of black people asking me to shut up. they are tired of me defending half of me. i am suppose to sit down in a crowded room and be okay with my classmates saying such things as. " Mexicans take all the jobs!" or "They always ride twenty deep in neons." I am suppose to laugh, smile, nod, and agree because my skin tone is the same as the full black yung lady who sits next to me. Looks are deceiving people and so i am not okay with not defending half of who i am. I am not okay with accepting that i have to check a box that doesn't help me identify what race i am and i am not okay with people wanting me to conform so they can put me into their box and classify me as they see fit. ITS NOT OKAY. im letting u now that u dont have a TELL A FREE RACE JOKE CARD regarding mexicans cus we"re "COOL" . respect me , respect my mother, respect my grandmother, and stop pushing me to be wat u r...cus im not. This is not to say that i don't identify with being half black but it is unfair to think that that is all i identify with. LET ME BE ME. and respect who i am. no im not puerto rican , my mother isn't INDIAN ( u ignorant fool) and i am not from spain which means im not spanish.
- I don't speak my native toungue.
- I can't cook every mexican dish.
- I have yet to visit mexico but i live on the south side of Phoenix in the winter months so that's close enuf for me.
- I have curly hair that i choose not to perm but that doesn't mean I have "good hair".
- I don't live 20 to a house and neither do any of my family members.
- My butt is wide not big and yes i have hips for days.
- I eat menudo on sundays and no im not Catholic im Baptist.
- I have a cousin who does tattoos and fixes cars and yes ...we will ALL beat you up.
- We are legal and if we aren't y is it ur business?
- I speak spanglish ( a mix of broken spanish and english) to family only.
- And no i will not speak to u in spanish so that u may get turned on or feel like u"ve found sumthing exotic!
i am not mad... just fed up! this has been a struggle that ive interacted with my entire life and now that i am an adult it is time to let you and every one reading this kno that im not changing who i am to make u feel like im more black or more mexican. i am both. and i like it...........
okay so i heard the voices telling me to conform and now im ignoring them. voices lol wow i sound crazy but work with me. i also heard who i use to be the girl who use to be me before i became broken. the one who would never deal with hang ups, break ups, cheating, lying, or name calling and i recognized her voice. i asked her to come back but i think she's mad at me because i've ignored her for so long. she and my confidence have been haven conversations lately or should i say screaming matches i see its gona be a task to get me back to were i use to be. i decided to write a letter in an attempt to get things back rite. although this letter was written a few months ago i decided to fed ex it signed, sealed, and delivered to someone that i no longer kno anymore......here goes nuthen......
First off I'd like to apologize. I never loved you enough. I always accused you of never caring but you just love tuff. I put others before you and convinced you of things that weren't true.It's been so long since we've seen eye to eye. No wonder the day came that you decided to make me cry. You"ve been around for so long. You and I even have our own song.And now your like a stranger I couldn't identify you if i tried. And thats why all week i've cried. How did we loose everything we worked so hard for? how was it that easy to walk out the door? You keep me going everyday. And lately haven't had much to say. But its not all your fault i often ignore you cus im afraid to adore you.So i ignored wen you spoke to me. And now i'd give anything to get us back to the state we use to be.On the same page , we always saw eye to eye. I loved you more than any guy. But wats the point in reminiscing? Cus now ur missing. Causing me pain in my chest. You won't let me rest. You beat yet I still can't feel. Not believing that wat we"re enduring is real. You make me feel sick and stuck to the sheets. Suddenly we"re addicted to breakup beats.I know you deserve better. That's why "heart" im writing you this letter. To say sorry for letting him do this to us. I apologize for disobeying your trust. But piece of me that I now hold so dear. I promise to protect you from that "LOVE" thing that we both now fear.
My sincerest Apologizes,
Ms. Metcalf
It's funny wat u"ll realize wen u just SHUT UP. i realized i had been ignoring my heart, pride, and esteem and now i realize my letter isn't enuf to get things back rite inside. i"ve started to listen to my insides and ignore others opinions about my outsides and now i feel better. apologizes have been said and respect has been demanded....in the words of ....Ice Cube
" Today was a good day".
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