Today wasn't a good day. have u ever come to the realization that everything u are, everything u stress, cry over, worry about, pray on, are things that u"ve brought into your own life. u"ve let in people who have trashed everything in sight, joined things that have destroyed ur self esteem, and put up with situations that have tainted who u are from this point on..... today was that kinda day...... i wanted the sex n the city dvd set and starbucks so bad but instead i used the george foreman grill to cook a meal that wasn't half as good as mommy's food but i pretended it was made by her and even closed my eyes hoping to smell ChANEL number five sum were in the room... the older i get the more i realize that i"ve blamed others for who i am today wen really it is my fault that i am "beautifully broken".being 22 is harder than it looks. rite now im in route to not find but run into sumone who isn't interested in my abilities in the bedroom or my clothes in the club but in things that last. Sex ends, clothes fade away, hair falls out, bodies get bigger and older, and in the end it has nothing to do with who i am. theres a happy medium in showing interest and suffocating ...sum are having a hard time finding the middle latley n thats a turn off in its self. finding sumone who can keep their hands to themselves even if they see an opportunity to go in for the kill is harder than i thought. i kno i kno 20-26 year old boys/men cus sum aren't men, and i kno sumone who will admit that his not a man yet , are suppose to be "just having fun" but wat happen to having the buddy and then the bootie? i guess wat im saying is i don't like wat ive created wen i look in the mirror sum days and i don't like ALL that im finding wen im running into ppl who wana share the space in my mirror. sure i've run into sum proper candidates who will remain nameless but even in those cases patience is key and i don't always see the patience game being practiced or respected. and so it makes me wonder...do we really need sumone to share the mirror with us? sumtymes our mirrors r so foggy, cracked, and distorted that we may not have enuf room in the mirror for anyone else. maybe i've been avoiding seeing my own reflection.
i read the following in room full of three people inside a typical college apartment. u kno the spot with no living room furniture with over size tv's and beds but little to no kitchen tables or framed photos. well it was there that i spilled my heart and told my story and explained why i have days like this and realizations that sumtymes hurt my pride and my heart. i later got the title of this piece tattooed on me because it embodied who i was in so many ways. it was were i was at, how i was feeling, and were i am still at a year later. i guess its more on the tip of all that glitters isn't gold. including me.
i read the following in room full of three people inside a typical college apartment. u kno the spot with no living room furniture with over size tv's and beds but little to no kitchen tables or framed photos. well it was there that i spilled my heart and told my story and explained why i have days like this and realizations that sumtymes hurt my pride and my heart. i later got the title of this piece tattooed on me because it embodied who i was in so many ways. it was were i was at, how i was feeling, and were i am still at a year later. i guess its more on the tip of all that glitters isn't gold. including me.
Beautifully BrOKeN
She simply gives perfect kisses.
That were once their wishes.
And frequently as they embrace
invisible tears fall down her face.
Cus she knows that soon she"ll return to being beautiful and A L O N E.
But still she"ll sit eloquently on her thrown yet n still
She finds it hard to deny that it isn't hard for a tear to find her
beautiful eye.
Thur it all she still wears her beautiful smile
cus she's accepted beautifully broken is now her style.
She is beautifully broken
Bystanders love to see Americas Token
unhappy and stuck
Caramel kissed wild child is usually beautifully out of luck.
Cus she often beautifully sits in confusion
Wishing her hard times were a delusion
A child of the night
Possibly because thats wen her insecurities are out of sight.
They've crushed her beautiful heart shreds
Csu they pictured her body in their beds
Between the lights went dem
their sheets only covered them
She is beautifully broken but yet
her boundaries aren't unspoken
She hides behind her beautiful smile
And seeks refuge in her skin for a while
Beautiful girl constantly under construction
Stumbling to function
But others have no clue
That the beautiful story they paint of her is untrue
Poor beautiful skin that she's trapped within
Beautiful like a mural from afar
She is a crowded rooms star
Demanding attention unknowingly
She says they fall in love without knowing me
She is beautifully broken
And no eloquent words can correct
the reasons she is who she is this beautiful day
But it is your actions that helped her break this way
Empty like a puzzle with missing pieces
She is your skins creases
Cus she's everywhere and you can't help but to stare
At the beautiful girl in the beautiful world
that's missing so much but is beautifully out of touch.
to be continued........
That were once their wishes.
And frequently as they embrace
invisible tears fall down her face.
Cus she knows that soon she"ll return to being beautiful and A L O N E.
But still she"ll sit eloquently on her thrown yet n still
She finds it hard to deny that it isn't hard for a tear to find her
beautiful eye.
Thur it all she still wears her beautiful smile
cus she's accepted beautifully broken is now her style.
She is beautifully broken
Bystanders love to see Americas Token
unhappy and stuck
Caramel kissed wild child is usually beautifully out of luck.
Cus she often beautifully sits in confusion
Wishing her hard times were a delusion
A child of the night
Possibly because thats wen her insecurities are out of sight.
They've crushed her beautiful heart shreds
Csu they pictured her body in their beds
Between the lights went dem
their sheets only covered them
She is beautifully broken but yet
her boundaries aren't unspoken
She hides behind her beautiful smile
And seeks refuge in her skin for a while
Beautiful girl constantly under construction
Stumbling to function
But others have no clue
That the beautiful story they paint of her is untrue
Poor beautiful skin that she's trapped within
Beautiful like a mural from afar
She is a crowded rooms star
Demanding attention unknowingly
She says they fall in love without knowing me
She is beautifully broken
And no eloquent words can correct
the reasons she is who she is this beautiful day
But it is your actions that helped her break this way
Empty like a puzzle with missing pieces
She is your skins creases
Cus she's everywhere and you can't help but to stare
At the beautiful girl in the beautiful world
that's missing so much but is beautifully out of touch.
to be continued........
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